Moving Forward into the Middle Stages of Alzheimer's Disease

She was excited for his visit, checking the date many times and asking what time he was planning on arriving at regular intervals throughout the morning. My mother in law had not seen her brother in many years, more than the seven years I have been married to my husband I believe, and she looked quite forward to his visit.

He came exactly as planned, at 9:00 a.m. Tuesday morning. They sat and talked much of the day. Her brother remembered everything she had forgotten. He told her all the stories she once knew. He mentioned names she had not heard in years. She smiled like a child and turned to him in awe asking, "Then- did you know my mother, Delphia Rose?"

We all took a deep breath in and paused slightly before he answered, "Yes, yes I did. What do you remember most about Mother?"

It was sad in a beautifully poetic way, another reminder that things are not the same and never will be the same again. We talked and laughed throughout the afternoon, and then all went to dinner, the ten of us.

I think perhaps that dinner out was too much for her. Today, she is agitated and stressed, the symptoms that show us she is moving from the places of early Alzheimer's into the middle stages of a devastating disease.

Of course, this worries me. It worries me for her, it worries me for my husband, and worries me for me.

I wonder if I will have the strength, the love, and the compassion it will take to get me through these stages.

I bristle now at her tense admonishments of my unclean kitchen. Will I be able to control my emotions and impulses when the agitation is violent or mean? Will I be able to do this at all? Am I able to be as giving of myself as one must be to handle Alzheimer's with love and grace?

Will I be able to forgive myself when I don't handle it with love and grace?

As with all things, I turn to the ideas of education to help me cope, and it does help. Today, I read this article, Managing Agitation Behavior in Alzheimer's Patients.

Had I read it yesterday, I may have known that dinner out might have been too much. I may have thought to prepare myself for today's extra high stress level. But, now I know a little more and I suppose I will learn a little more each day from here on out.

When my husband's father was dying, and we were forced to make difficult decisions concerning his care and ultimately his death, we were forced to come to terms with some very difficult aspects of death and dying. In the end, we turned to each other and made each other promises that we would move forward with no regret.

We developed a mantra together. When we felt the need to make a decision, or felt lost in general, we would look to each other and ask, "Does what we are doing come from a place of the greatest love and care? Are we acting in the best interest of everyone involved? If the answer is yes, then we can move forward knowing that we will not regret these choices, even if we are saddened by them."

This mantra has returned to my life many times since, and has never lead me astray yet. I hope that in the days, months, and years to come, I can continue to act from the place of greatest love and care, with no regret.

And I hope that I can forgive myself when I don't.