I have to admit, it feels a little strange to be blogging about the last days of my beautiful mother in law's life. Putting all of it out for the world is scary and unnecessary, perhaps to some distasteful, but oddly healing in a way as well. I hope that it is also helpful to someone, somehow. As we have struggled through this disease, I have appreciated every personal story I have encountered of others living with this disease, and so - may too our story be helpful.
Saribenne suffered another stroke yesterday and has lost most of her ability to control her body, including her ability to swallow foods or liquids. Unless we see a miraculous turn around, as do sometimes happen with strokes, we are likely to say our final earthly goodbyes within the week.
Today, I am comforted by the love of my family and friends, and the knowledge that I have been so very lucky to have known and loved this woman. Saribenne has taught me so much about acceptance, unconditional love, and seeing the beauty in all things at all times. She has prepared me for this as best as anyone could, and I am strengthened by the intensity of her love for all of us.
Today, I am comforted by the intense love I have for my husband as I try and stand by his side as best as I can, and hope for his forgiveness where I fall short. It is him who suffers most I think.
Today, I am comforted by what I sort of consider to be Saribenne's last statement of who she is- written on a slip of paper I found months ago. With her name at the top of the page she wrote,
"What do I have that I can offer to others?
* wanting to know them
* wanting to understand them
* wanting to value all that they are
* wanting to hear what they want and do not want
* accepting others as they are.
What do I want?
To be a person with the qualities I describe above."
Today, I am comforted by the little slip of paper I found this morning in her address book discussing buddhist principles and ideas. I am comforted by memories of her saying that she didn't KNOW that she would get another life but that she sure hoped so.
Today, I am comforted by my own continued meditations on the Sankofa bird, and can visualize in some strange way Saribenne as a Sankofa- flying backwards to retrieve all that she needs to move forward to this next new phase of her existence. I too can look back, and go back to retrieve all that I will need to move forward into this next phase of my own existence. As sad as I am, I am comforted in the knowledge that we will all be ok however things work out in the end.
Blessed be to all, and gratitude for every breath we take and every love we love.
8 comments:
What an amazing gift to find. Hugs to you.
Indeed it is not taboo to go back and fetch what U*Us, and pretty much everyone else in the modern world, forgot. . .
The "phoenix" bird manifested in the sun's corona during some total solar eclipses is a natural cosmic symbol of rebirth after death that our ancient ancestors responded to in their religious beliefs and practices.
May Saribenne actually get that other life she hoped for, if she still desires it after passing on. Would that her current life had been a little kinder to her.
You have my sincere condolences Shannon,
Robin Edgar
That list is absolutely precious and heartbreaking and a marvelous testament to her spirit.
I am thinking of your family.
Saribenne is a beautiful person indeed.
I always appreciated the fact that in 99% of the MVUUF services she attendend, she had one basic thing to say: "I'm just happy to be here." And I always knew that to her that was not some cliched statement; it was an expression of what she really felt.
A beautiful person indeed.
We're all better for having known her- such a graceful, beautiful soul.
Our love goes out to all of you.
Sabrienne's story has kept me company in my own journey with my father, who has dementia. I grieve with you for the loss of who she is and was.
You are not alone friend. Thinking of you today and always. This Thanksgiving I am grateful for you and your honesty and bravery; sharing with us all.
In PEACE,
Jennifer
What a beautiful gift, to have a little insight into Saribenne's thoughts, perhaps from a more lucid time.
Love to you and your family, Shannon.
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